As I begin this year 2011, I can not help but to reflect back on my experiences lived in 2010. What a year it was, not only our physical being challenged but mental too. I keep asking God and many others do the same, "Why God?" "Why did you take my soul mate, my best friend, husband, father of our children, grandpa to eight beautiful grands, cowboy and freind to many away?" Don't you know how much he meant to us all?? Iit took us almost 40 years to get to the place where we wanted to be in our relaionship, and how could you let this happen? Yes believe it or not, I still ask why?? Now , as time flies by me, I am beginning to think, OK, I have two choices I can make; I can either give up too, (which some days are very tempting) or I can keep believing in God even when it doesn't always make sense to me. I read this phrase that makes alot of sense to me, "Faith means something when it's exercised in the darkness." I have my faith, and I believe my faith means something when I don't understand the whys, (and I have had alot of whys lately) I do think God understands why I ask so many questions, but His only hope is that I don't ever question the who, which leads to my verse for the day, which I try to hold on to one each day and make it mine, and through the day I keep repeating over and over throughout the day at work or driving or doing chores: Here is the reason for who.
"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father but by me. I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me (that is where the faith comes in) though he were dead, yet shall he live again. (John 14:6, 11:25) And that is the whole thing in a nutshell, believe in God and you will live again for everlasting, which is forever!
Love this Mom! So glad you are blogging! It might just be the perfect outlet for you to get through! I do hope you don't plan on making us cry our eyes out every time you post something, but I have a feeling that may just happen. I love your scripture verse, and I feel your faith. I know it's strong. I think it's ok not to understand and it's ok to ask why. I also know that you are going to continue making that second choice for as long as you are on earth without our incredible dad, and that when you see him again, he will be proud as can be of the way you finished your life here on earth. I know he is looking down on all of us and watching out for us. I feel him sometimes so closely, and I know he is smiling that crooked smile and sending us love from his huge heart everyday. I love you, Mom! Keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteI swear, the both of you! Remind me not to read either of your blogs at work, so I'm not sitting here bawling! Mom, your strength has been an inspiration to all of us, and I know at least me, I hold onto to dad through you a lot of the times. I know you never asked or wanted to be in this position but like Jen said, dad would be & will be extremely proud of you for continuing to take care of all of us left behind. We love you so much & appreciate all you do, have done & will do for us & being there!
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